I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
