I seem to have left my pride at pride
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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