I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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