Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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