I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
