My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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