i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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