just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
