it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
