I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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