And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize