oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize