1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
