Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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