whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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