We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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