We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
