You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You need Xanax blowdarts
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
