Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize