Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
