My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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