Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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