I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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