Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
