dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
