It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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