I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
