Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
