I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
