my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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