OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
