this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
