I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
