Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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