Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize