I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
