So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
