Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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