You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
