It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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