I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
birth control should be required to get into college
We left an ass print on the piano.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize