imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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