And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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