garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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