My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize