I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
