WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
