I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
