I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
