Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
