My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
