just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Drunk is not a location!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
