You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
