My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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