So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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