Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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