I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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