bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
