and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize