Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Vodka?
Forever.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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