Your tits are I can't wait for
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
