So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
