I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
