so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
