Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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