3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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