Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
