So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
