So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
