I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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