That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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