I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
