So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
