I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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