so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
