Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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