i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
