I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
