And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize