So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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