isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Please don't give away my fajitas
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
