did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
