I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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