How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
