I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
